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March 17, 2000
Today, we went and
picked up The Redneck Limo. I knew she was the
one fer us. She was so impressive sitting there
in the weeds at the front of the chain link fence
along the highway. I first laid eyes on her as we
was goin’ out Route 10 toward the truck stop on the
edge of town. Punkin’ (Roger) told me he
would take me out to dinner. He likes the
meatloaf on the buffet and I like the greens n’
fried chicken livers. They’re on special on
Friday nights. Anyway, we pulled into the RV lot,
and asked for a grand tour. The salesman said he
wanted $10,000 for her. Well, that was about $9,
980 more than we had on us. That was $15.00 for
the buffet and a few extra dollars for the waitress
and two Moonpies for dessert. Roger being the
best haggler in the county, got the salesman down to
$6,000 and Roger said, SOLD! Now, all we had to
do was figure a way to get $6,000. We went home
after our night out, and started digging in the back
yard for our old canning jars full of change. We
did some odd jobs. Roger sold three of the cars
that was in our front yard ‘cause they wasn’t
running anyway. And, in a few weeks we had enough
money to go buy The Redneck Limo. This proud day,
March 17, 2000 is the day we bring her home.
April 1, 2000
What a perfect day
to take The Redneck Limo on her maiden voyage. Her
first trip is to a festival in Georgia up highway 75
near Atlanta. We’ve done some fix-up on her. She
needed a new battery, rebuilt carburetor, and of
course there was the fire ants problem. I killed
them with ant spray and ant traps. We did have to
wear Off for awhile because they got into the front
sofa. Them creatures are the nastiest thing on
God’s earth. They are pure evil. For all
you Yankees reading my log, when a fire ant bites you,
you stay bit for about 4 days. The area
stings like fire the first hour or two, after that the
area swells, stings, and raises a welt. The welt
fills with nasty stuff like a little white blister,
then begins to itchin’. When you try to scratch
it, it starts to burn like fire. I wish a
horrible death to all fire ants in the world. I
don’t care what the tree-huggin’, liberal, animal
rights people say, a fire ant deserves death! And
if the animal rights people don’t agree with this,
then, they would if we put fire ants in their sofa!
As the day wore on,
we decided to stop for some gas at the Flying J. That’s
when IT happened. Roger pulled up to the pumps,
shut the motor off, and I waited in the passenger side
seat sippin’ on a RC. We can’t go anywhere
without a cooler full of RC Colas. Anyway, I was
sittin’ there, filled with pride, feeling like a
queen in her new house-on-wheels. We had cleaned
the interior with Liquid Gold, shampooed the rugs,
polished all the chrome, and even put orange freshener
in the john.
Well, I’m a
sittin’ there and I started to smell smoke. I
looked around at the TV. The week before, Roger
blew the thing up when he revved up the generator and
it blew up the TV. It still works on the battery. Well,
in about one minute, I spied a wisp of white smoke
coming past my side window. I called out, Punkin’,
I think the RV’s on fire. He says, No it
ain’t, the valve cover gasket leaks oil on the
manifold. It’ll go away in a few minutes when
the oil’s all burned up. So, I sat there for a
few seconds more and yelled, Punkin’, the smokes
a-getting’ heavy in here. I think I wanna get
out. Put the steps down. At that, Roger came
round my side of the RV and started yellin’, We’re
on fire! Get the extinguisher! At that, I
grabbed my cane, hobbled to the door and evacuated. If
he wanted to put the dang fire out, he could do it
himself. As I made my way out the door, I handed
Roger the fire extinguisher and went to get some help
from the guys at the Flying J. The fire
extinguisher was out of stuff after a few sprays and
the fire was startin’ to burn a little hotter. By
now, the cabin was filled with smoke and Roger was
yellin’, Go get help! Well, I was already at
the door and I asked, Does anybody have a fire
extinguisher? Everyone was ignorin’ me. I
yelled again that there was a fire and we needed an
extinguisher. The manager come up to me to see
what I was a-yellin’ about, and I told him I needed
a fire extinguisher. He says, Well, I don’t
know if we have any in stock, did you see any on the
shelf? He was a nice guy, but this was no time
for chit-chat, so I pointed to his gas pump and said,
You see that there RV aside your pumps? It’s
on fire. His eyes got wide, his mouth dropped
open, and he went into high gear. He sure could
run fast for a feller his age and size. He
grabbed a fire extinguisher off the wall, ran outside
and helped Roger put the fire out. Man, that fire
melted every wire in the engine. We were stuck at
the Flying J for two days trying to rewire it. I
took up my time talking about Redneck Products, our
T-shirts, and giving out autographs. The other
tourists were mighty interested in the whole incident. Our
buddy, Mark, came up to the Flying J with a toolbox
and helped. Of course, he had to bring my hound
dog and my cat with him because he was pet-sitting for
us. Well, this ain’t too comfortable. Three
adults, a very friendly, 90 pound hound dog and an
outdoor cat are trying to share a 26-foot space. We’ve
lost all our electric, can’t use the pump, so we
ain’t got no water and can’t flush the toilet. I’ve
been trying to clean up that extinguisher powder. I
don’t think it’s toxic. It got all over the
cookies and the boys finished them off last night
while they was working on the motor. They ain’t
dead yet, and it’s been more than 8 hours. I
think we missed the festival. Well, on to the
next spot as soon as the motor is running again. I
think I hear it turning over now.
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